Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

C is for.....

CRACK... which seems to be the answer these days if A) I can't lose weight on this Thermogenic diet plan and B) if I can't find a part time job or a way to make extra money.

Short and Sweet today but there's not much more to say or emphasize the above. Desperate times provoke desperate thoughts.


Monday, September 21, 2009

B is for.....

BOYS...... People often wonder or ask why I'm still single? I just smile back and courteously reply with a "I just haven't found the right one yet." What I really want to do is slap them silly and ask if they have any other interests besides my love life. The real answer is that I truely think that i have dated BOYS and not MEN. There is a difference and there are many more "boys" to be found. I love boys...love to flirt with boys.. love to dance with boys.. but I want to marry a man and I won't settle for anything less. Unless Justin Timberlake shows up at my door because I don't care what his classification is. I can dance, flirt and marry him.

B is also for BOOTS. And not just any boots... Cowboy Boots! You cannot grow up in the Mississippi Delta and not own a pair of boots. They say many things about a guy... hardworker, handy, strong...etc... And as for a girl... well.. a guy once told me a real woman owned a dirty pair of boots and a polished pair of heels. I agree.

Honorable mentions for B: Brittney Spears and Beyonce..they both rock!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I'm BACK!!!!!

Okay so I admit.. sheer laziness and several uninspiring months have led to my writer's block. But I have been reading a good bit and now feel as though I caught a brand new wind! I won't let you down this time.

My little friend Carter has recently started Kindegarten at what we like to refere to as the "big kids school". Her new journey and enthusiasm in this new chapter of her life is the inspiration for the new series I'm about to enterain you with.

4 year old Kinder world is apparently when you learn the alphabet (I personally don't remember, I was way more interested in my social activities). Carter's class has made it all the way to the letter D and each week I listen to her recite all of the items and characters that she can think of that coordinate with the current week's letter. I also gave her several ideas that came to mind when I thought of a certain letter (some approved and some not approved from her parents). So I would like to share my incite to the wonderful life changing, couldn't live without it, Alphabet.

Each day will feature a different letter... can't let all of the goodies and thoughts in my head out at once!

A is for.......................

Alcohol. Now by no means to want to classify myself or sound like a lush, because I'm not. But I do enjoy a glass of Pinot Noir at night while reading or a Stoli and tonic with a splash (just a splash) of cranberry socially. And on special occasions I like to indulge in a Flirtini from Panasia (great Martini bar if that's your flavor!) Now, I've never really been a beer girl...too many calories and causes unecessary bloating which is just NOT attractive in a bathing suit. I prefer to take my own spirits when floating the river. However, I am human and do have faults and the downfall of all things classy and social is RED BULL and VODKA (a.k.a. the evil spaun). I mean, we're basically talking social retardation here, not to mention a lot of dance moves that require some serious stretching and body massages the next day.
*Note to self: RB&V is not a miracle drink that turns you into Britney spears or Lady Gaga.

A is also for Alice + Olivia. My dream day to day wardrobe. Recently I have found the most perfect dress and I like to think of all the places I would wear it.. The MTV Movie Awards, a guest spot on The Tonight Show, New Years Eve, a boxing match in Vegas.... Don't roll your eyes! A girl can dream can't she??? If you don't think it is fabulous than you need to get out more often or possibly change your magazine subscriptions. Seriously.. a girl without good resources for shopping is comparible to a baby without a bottle. Sad.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Top Ten Best Britney Spears Moments

HOORAY for Britney and her road to comeback. I never stopped believing! Although I am still pulling for a Britney Justin reunion, I will settle for now with where she is today and her awesome (yes, I said the word AWESOME) new album... CIRCUS... "All eyes on me, in the center of the ring, just like a circus...."

In case some of you didn't know I was given a new laptop and have really discovered (for myself) the world of You Tube. For example.. it is 12 AM and I am still up because I have been watching all of Miss Britney's MTV VMA performances. I do this from time to time.. you do realize that I live alone and I work too much so I have to live vicariously through someone else's life every once in a while... No harm and it's therapeutic!!

So here goes... and by the time you finish reading, you will definitely want to dance..

1. Britney's OOPS I DID IT AGAIN VMA performance. If you haven't ever seen it... watch it. Trust me. I used to try to mirror some of this in my dorm room. I broke my lighted stand mirror during one of the thrusts/side kicks.

2. Britney's SLAVE FOR YOU music video. Um, hello... Who wouldn't want to dance like that???
I still listen to this when I get dressed to go out...

3. Britney's documentary.. Britney Spears :For the Record. Okay.. so maybe it wasn't as deep as something you would see on 20/20 but it was way better than any Tom Cruise couch jumping shit on Oprah. In a way it was inspiring and it made you proud of her. And her dad may be a wife beater wearing redneck from the swamps but at least he cares about her.

4. Britney Spears SuperBowl halftime performance - okay so if you have never watched this one.. you should as well. It was probably the best SB half time show ever (because MTV produced it and thanks to Janet Jackson's boob faux pas we now have to watch dank stuff like Bruce Springsteen -he may be THE BOSS, but he "ain't got no rhythm". **Bonus! Ben stiller makes a cameo and is hilarious.

5. Britney Spears performance with Michael Jackson at Madison Square Gardens. It's really one of the only times he actually looked cool in the past twenty years. (I mean, for goodness sakes... his kids wear veils and are named BLANKET, Paris, and Prince Michael.)

6. Britney Spears MTV VMA Slave for you performance. Who else would hold a yellow python? Let's face it... what guy wouldn't like to see a girl dancing half naked with a snake?? GENIUS!

7. Britney's relationship with Justin Timberlake. There hasn't been a cuter couple since Johnny and June. I mean, they really should just get back together. It might bring some light to this sad world facing nothing but a bad economy, war, and pyscho Iranian and North Korean nuclear weapons.

8. Britney Spears Pepsi commercial with Pink and Beyonce. We Will ROCK YOU. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkELRp4wKPs

9. Britney Spears comeback win at the 2008 VMA's. Nothing like three MOON MEN to get your confidence back!

10. Britney's separation from K_FED, Sam Lufti, and Adnand Ghalib. What a bouquet of total douche bags. I mean, talk about a low point in your life. Hopefully her choice in men can only go up from here! Don't worry Brit! There is someone out there for the both of us!!

until next time....
Don't hold your breath for too long..

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I do...I Don't. Top Ten things you should NOT do for your wedding

Happy New Year everyone! Christmas time in the retail business can certainly slow you down and take you away from life's top priorities...such as blogging!

Many of you got engaged or know someone who got engaged over Christmas. The combination of this knowledge and the printing of the annual Mississippi Magazine Wedding Registry have led me to offer some advice...well really just a matter of opinion.

1. Do not take waste your wedding photographer's time by having photos taken with your beloved animals in your wedding attire.

2. Do not put anything besides flowers on the top of your cake, if anything at all. Plastic bride and grooms are so 80's (even though I probably wouldn't have used them then either).

3. Do not incorporate CHERRY RED into your color scheme. You do not want it to look like Cupid threw up in your photos. Go with a garnet or berry color if you must...

4. Do not overdue your hair. The Prom look is OVER. In fact, I'm not too sure when it ever began or why but subtle is best. You want people to look at you, not your hairsprayed coif on top of your head.

5. Do not hire a photographer who has sample photos of wedding parties jumping in the air. Why? It's a church..not a moonbounce.

6. Do not pick a bridesmaids dress for the simple fact that it fits you (the bride) wonderfully. Take into consideration your attendants body types and pick something that flatters most. Strapless may be popular but doesn't flatter all. While big is beautiful, size 16 girls should not wear strapless!!!

7. Do not take single shots of yourself blowing kisses at the camera. It's not a Playboy centerfold, it's your wedding day.

8. Do not publish those shots.

9. Do not overdue the number of your wedding party. It's not a family or class reunion. The wedding party should consist of the people that are near and dear to your heart. And believe me, people know when they are "fillers" for the bride or groom's side.

10. Do not wear Tiaras!!! I understand that most women have an inner princess but that's just what it is...internal. This is not Disneyland and you are not Cinderella. It is not even okay to wear the accessory when you have your wedding at Disneyland and stand in front of the magic castle. (Which should be a bonus DO NOT) but I will not shatter everyone's dreams.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

Top Ten things I have acheived in 30 years

Well just about 10 days now to the big dreadful 3-0. I try to tell myself that 30 is the new 20 but who am I kidding? I'm now about 10 years shy of the beginning stages of crows feet and my score in the fertility department has just dropped a few!! I always thought I would be married by now and mothering a couple of sweet babies, driving an SUV and going on second honeymoons with my "husband". Or alternative #2: living bi-coastal in LA and New York, gracing the pages of just about every gossip magazine, winning an Oscar, and shopping rodeo drive and 5th avenue in my spare time. YEAH RIGHT to both 1 and 2!!!! Ha!

However, even though, the good Lord didn't agree with either of my plans, I still have acheived several things in life that no one else has. I am determined to make the most out of what I have been given and label myself as UNIQUE.

1. I have managed to hit, with my vehicles, just about every object that stands still in Mississippi. Some things in Tenessee too. According to "Haley's Laws", it's not my fault if you parallel park too tightly next to me.

2. I have managed to stay on top of the latest and greatest fashion even if it means bouncing a few checks or not eating correctly for a few days. What's a little weight loss? Makes the clothes fit better!

3. I learned to appreciate music at an early age. While my parents hung out in separate rooms of the house (then married) either not speaking to each other, or yelling really loud, I discovered that there were WAY cooler channels than Nickelodeon and thus began my infactuation with MTV. I was a witness to the first music video and idolized Madonna for much of my childhood. I am still a fan of all things music.

4. I have single handly picked every emotionally closed off, crackhead, could be gay, to good to be true men to date that the world has to offer. I mean, on the positive side I could write one of those stupid self help books titled "what not to bring home to the parents" and probably make a lot of money from it and still be able to live out alternative #2 dream life.

5. I have been blessed with the most wonderful beautiful groups of friends that there ever could be. From highschool, to college, from Memphis to Jackson and Greenwood, I have magnetically been drawn to some of the most unique and fun people that will stay with me the rest of my life. When I get married, it will take an entire church just to house the bridesmaids! (EmilyPost would not appreciate that.)

6. I, along with my friends, managed to turn my dad's hair gray when we were in highschool. He was my guardian and my friends decided that we couldn't wait to get to college to let loose. We began in about the 9th grade and had to take a breather when we got to college. Ask my dad about all the times he inspected my car only to find cigarette holes (not mine of course!), vomit, and stale McDonalds cheeseburgers glued under the back seat. Not to mention the time raw eggs were thrown at the wall in the den. (another story..another time)

7. I have set a record for bridesmaids dresses worn in a lifetime. In addition to the 17 weddings I have been in since June of 2000, I often dressed up in my aunts old bridesmaids dresses as a child. I guess that was some sort of twisted foreshadowing. If only i had known that I would "always a bridesmaid, never a bride".
** on a side note...you should always consult your friends with taste on your dresses. It is just cruel to make someone wear something unflatterly or homely looking.

8. I have ridden a bull. Yes, I have. A mechanical one, but I still rode it and am still proud. I'm even considering putting that one on my resume should I ever have to look for another job.

9. I worked for a man who was one of Elvis' best friends. I got a total inside look into this legend's life on a daily basis and talk to Pricilla a good bit on the phone. However, the man I worked for, forgot he wasn't that cool anymore and lost his job so I lost mine.

10. I have overcome the most difficult and unmanagable hair that anyone could ever be born with. Even a perm that I still have hard time forgiving my mother for due to the fact that some punk called me RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE POODLE when I had a sunburn and the perm. I'm not going to sugar coat it. It left a scar. Thousands of dollars in hair products and a miracle known as the CHI have made this journey possible though.

Happy early birthday to me!